If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
