What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
