As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
