Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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