You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
