She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
