it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
