If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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