those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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