im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish i was in the wii world.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I would fuck him just for his dog
try to milk me bitch
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