Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
he thought i was a dude.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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