did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The Olympian is in my bed
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
