he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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