based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
