Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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