About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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