I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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