note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
