xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
