I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
