I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
