btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
