Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
