he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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