I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
