If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
