she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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