He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
