So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
