If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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