cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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