i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
