that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
