i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
