i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
