saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
