I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
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