She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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