I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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