Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
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So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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