She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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