Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
