it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
