I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
