So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
