I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
