You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm at about main and main street
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Randomize
