you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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