when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
