once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
