Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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