this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
