please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
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I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.