remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
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Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
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He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex