Texts From Last Night

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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."

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  (440): Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect." http://tfl.nu/c4jw
  Replies (130) Good night (2217) Bad night (648)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.

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  (440): Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing. http://tfl.nu/x35s
  Replies (51) Good night (10650) Bad night (1698)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.

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  (701): My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying. http://tfl.nu/rpdb
  Replies (32) Good night (7235) Bad night (821)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back

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  (440): You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back http://tfl.nu/ciqo
  Replies (24) Good night (4976) Bad night (961)
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  (619): View more from California

  I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.

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  (619): I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated. http://tfl.nu/km5l
  Replies (27) Good night (8964) Bad night (829)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.

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  (781): Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?! (781): Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze. http://tfl.nu/sc14
  Replies (18) Good night (1100) Bad night (3820)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood

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  (440): Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood http://tfl.nu/t6a5
  Replies (13) Good night (1194) Bad night (3923)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim

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  (702): Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim http://tfl.nu/n7dg
  Replies (11) Good night (3509) Bad night (945)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know

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  (570): I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know http://tfl.nu/nr32
  Replies (3) Good night (2129) Bad night (750)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.

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  (205): First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined. http://tfl.nu/ei07
  Replies (4) Good night (1795) Bad night (1262)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.

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  (770): Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay. http://tfl.nu/tpqf
  Replies (25) Good night (6232) Bad night (955)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.

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  (919): These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again. http://tfl.nu/lco3
  Replies (3) Good night (501) Bad night (1005)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me

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  (334): I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me http://tfl.nu/iy9q
  Replies (6) Good night (734) Bad night (572)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.

  (970): View more from Colorado

  Oooh, he sounds pretty classy

  (720): View more from Colorado

  Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.

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  (720): We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini. (970): Oooh, he sounds pretty classy (720): Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died. http://tfl.nu/8k1p
  Replies (9) Good night (1116) Bad night (660)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.

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  (610): The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable. http://tfl.nu/zn9i
  Replies (2) Good night (514) Bad night (1083)

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