So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
