Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.