Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious