Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag

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  (970): She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag http://tfl.nu/lpir
  Replies (10) Good night (920) Bad night (2549) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.

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  (401): Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex. http://tfl.nu/0okh
  Replies (22) Good night (562) Bad night (4922) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you

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  (506): cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you http://tfl.nu/iu0p
  Replies (21) Good night (5172) Bad night (950) Order T-Shirt
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.

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  (515): "reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time. http://tfl.nu/in1x
  Replies (15) Good night (4274) Bad night (1052) Order T-Shirt
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  (831): View more from California

  I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.

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  (831): I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer. http://tfl.nu/gejp
  Replies (18) Good night (2655) Bad night (1929) Order T-Shirt
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo

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  (703): The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo http://tfl.nu/6q1j
  Replies (6) Good night (1177) Bad night (2307) Order T-Shirt
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance

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  (484): I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance http://tfl.nu/sui0
  Replies (6) Good night (547) Bad night (1244) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.

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  (609): I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt. http://tfl.nu/9dqv
  Replies (10) Good night (582) Bad night (2086) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome

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  (215): Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome http://tfl.nu/3oqn
  Replies (14) Good night (1226) Bad night (1223) Order T-Shirt
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  (714): View more from California

  When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong

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  (714): When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong http://tfl.nu/jidy
  Replies (5) Good night (374) Bad night (1333) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"

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  (425): I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?" http://tfl.nu/i35w
  Replies (9) Good night (3495) Bad night (536) Order T-Shirt
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  (716): View more from New York

  Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit

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  (716): Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit http://tfl.nu/28c7
  Replies (4) Good night (220) Bad night (640) Order T-Shirt
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.

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  (616): I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers. http://tfl.nu/1m5q
  Replies (0) Good night (416) Bad night (190) Order T-Shirt
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help

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  (609): TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help http://tfl.nu/xrr6
  Replies (5) Good night (676) Bad night (257) Order T-Shirt
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"

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  (905): You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off" http://tfl.nu/v90r
  Replies (4) Good night (570) Bad night (275) Order T-Shirt

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