Do you still have your period?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.