Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i dont even know how to be here
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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