I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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