how can u be prego again
I skipped work to stalk him.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
