I'm so fucking centered right now
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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