Will you blow on my dice?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
