This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
