I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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