Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
