Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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