Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
