He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
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stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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