Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
