This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
