I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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