Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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