His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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